Striving For Change, But Struggling to Find It: What I Wish I Knew In High School
Struggling with Change
In my junior year of high school, I vividly remember being absolutely crushed by John 14:15. Jesus says to his disciples, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”
I thought, I believed, I knew I loved Jesus, but I felt the weight of my addiction, of the sin that proved to me I was not keeping his commandments. If I were to take Jesus’s reminder seriously, that meant that I did not truly love him. This was crushing, especially when just a little further, Jesus says, “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him” (John 14:21). I was terrified that I was unacceptable before the Father. So what should I do?
I can tell you what I did. I scanned the Scriptures for every passage that related to my particular habitual sins. Usually, I was looking for the passages that told me what to do (such as, “cut out your eye”) or what not to do. Knowing that I was lacking obedience to the commands of God, I thought that the solution must be to inundate myself with the commands of God, so that they would motivate me to obey, and therefore prove that I do, in fact, love the Lord.
Except that didn’t work.
What’s Missing
Maybe you’ve been in my shoes. Maybe you’re trying to help someone who is struggling in the same way. So, what was wrong with my approach? The commands of God are great and glorious; they outline what righteousness looks like, and they reveal our faults. So what was I missing? I missed the purpose of the law, and I missed the gospel altogether.
Paul actually refers to the law as the ministry of “death” and “condemnation” (2 Cor. 3). This doesn’t mean that the law is bad, but it means that the law has a clear purpose: to crush and to kill. That’s exactly what it did to me. It exposed me, but it could never heal me.
Yet, Paul also refers to the gospel as the “ministry of righteousness” (2 Cor. 3), revealing that righteousness is actually produced via the gospel, not the law.
I thought that if I wanted to be righteous, if I wanted to see growth, if I wanted to see life change in myself, then I must have the law. The gospel is good for forgiveness’s sake, but I need the law to change my behavior — or so I thought.
Behavior modification, at the heart level, is something the gospel alone can do. The law (the commands of God) exposes those dark shadows of our hearts, but the gospel is what changes the heart.
When Behavior Becomes the Goal
This same mistake often shows up in our youth ministries. Too often, youth ministries rightly see the areas of struggle within teen culture. Yet, the attempt to fix those struggles is merely a regurgitation of more commands.
The desire to see morally upright teenagers is a common goal for youth ministries, especially in small towns like the one where I serve. A common reality for small towns that’s unique compared to larger, urban areas is that the individual reflects the town far more than the individual in a city reflects the city. Thus, often there is a culture that seeks a certain ethic or standard of conformity unique to the town, that each individual is expected to uphold and play their part in. Thus, behavior modification can easily be the goal, so as to preserve the image of the church, the town, or the subculture. Yet, the goal for youth ministry should not be merely behavior modification. The goal is heart change and the glory of God.
Teenagers must know what God’s law is. They need to know what is right and wrong. They need to see that they are in sin for their fear of man, their self-idolization, their pornography addictions, and more. But simply telling them to fear God and stop watching porn will never motivate genuine obedience. In fact, the teen who is hiding his porn addiction from others is actually proving that he knows what he is doing is wrong, like Adam hiding from God in the garden. Telling them to stop because it is wrong will be nothing new to most of them. It will, however, crush and kill them, for that is what God’s commands are designed to do.
What We All Need
This crushing that the law does is necessary. I am not saying to throw out the laws of God. Rather, do you, minister, leave your hearers crushed? Do you kill them and walk away? Your hearers need the power of the gospel that raises those who are dead, from the power of the resurrection of Christ.
They need to see the glory of God, the beauty of the forgiveness and mercy they have in Christ, the heart transformation they have in the gospel, and the help to live in righteousness by the Spirit of God dwelling in them. They need to see that grace is not merely forgiveness (though forgiveness is a beautiful aspect of grace), but that grace is also what trains them to be zealous for Godly living (Titus 2:11-14).
The goal of youth ministry is not merely behavior modification, producing well-behaved teens. It is to transform the lives of teenagers for the glory of Christ, and that transformation comes from the gospel alone. If we leave our students with the law while leaving out the gospel, we leave them crushed. However, if we lead them to the well of Christ, as revealed in the gospel, we lead them to living water that nourishes their souls and brings them to new life.
Looking back now, the verse that once struck terror into me brings deep thankfulness. I no longer read it as a threat looming over me, demanding perfect obedience in order to be accepted and loved by God. Instead, I see it for what it is: Jesus speaking to disciples who are already loved and already accepted. The obedience he calls them to — and calls us to — is the fruit of that relationship, not the means of establishing or maintaining it. Even more, this obedience is not something we muster up on our own. It is made possible by the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus promises in the very verses that follow (John 14:26-27). The verse that once crushed me now reminds me that Christ not only commands obedience but also provides everything necessary for it.
Jacob Dearman
Jacob Dearmon serves as Associate Pastor of Family Ministries at Calvary Bible Fellowship Church in Pennsylvania's Lehigh Valley, where he is passionate about helping students and families see the glory of Christ and understand how God's grace is essential not only for conversion but for the entire Christian life. He earned his M.Div. from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently pursuing a D.Min. in Expository Preaching. Jacob enjoys reading, golfing, and spending time with his wife, Katie, and their son, Judah.
